They have a funny way of creeping up on you. Usually the end of the year is nostalgic in a bitter sweet way. Reflecting on previous months, wondering what MORE you could have done. For me? This season creeps up on me in a strange way.
9 years ago, post-Thanksgiving, I have the distinct memory of sitting in my Uncle’s Chevy Trail Blazer, having the discussion about how I MIGHT have thyroid cancer. Fast forward 6 years, and I was undergoing preparations to begin radiation treatment for salivary gland cancer. So, I guess, I’m approaching the 3 year cancerversary. I distinctly remember sitting in the waiting room of the basement of 200 Medical Plaza at UCLA Westwood, having probably the beginning stages of a panic attack. I was the youngest patient in that room. I didn’t belong there, but somehow, it did. I still remember texting my sister, freaking out, and nervously knitting, and making a joke about how I was working on my superhero status.
Truth is I’ve had my good days and bad days in those last 3 years. I’m nervous about the future, but if my past has taught me anything, I know I’ll make it through. I think resilience has because a good trait for me. I just wish I had the guts (or felt more confident?) to show that when I try to let people in. But then again, I can’t control how people react to my past, just hope that they don’t see it as a negative, but a positive.
I don’t really make resolutions, mostly because they fall by the wayside. I did make one goal for 2018, and I reached it, so that’s a plus. I don’t really know if I’ll make any real resolutions for 2019 either..maybe a goal or two…
I thought I would be updating this blog more regularly than I have been. But I guess graduate school took up more time than I realized, or I didn’t want to stare continually at a computer screen (or both?). Going forward, I hope to blog a little more than once every 6 months. Do a few more book reviews (maybe trade off each month between a comic and a book-book).
You can also be sure that I’ll be blogging a little bit more about my soon to be favorite movie in the MCU…perhaps do a comic book re-read of all Captain Marvel comics to date?
Until then… to quote Andrew McMahon (who one day, I’ll see in concert again)… somedays all I do is watch the sky.