Higher, Further, faster, more

I started this blog a little less than 3 years ago. Mostly to talk about books, and maybe track my progress on graduate school. But I haven’t blogged much…oops.

I found out tonight I’m officially graduated. There’s the part of me that wants to cry like a baby because I never thought this day would come. If you told me 20 years ago that I’d be pursuing higher education… well, this former emo-kid would have rolled her eyes in your face. Write papers? WHAT? Nope. Nope.

It’s funny what happens when life happens, and things start to change where you can believe the impossible is possible… here’s to the future. Here’s being the stars we were always meant to be…

.carol

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Nerd musings..

Ok, so I watched the Elseworlds Arrowverse crossover this past week… and that easter egg for fall 2019…

My thought: what if this means WB/DC is finally getting their act together and have both the movies and TV shows exist in the same universe? What if this is their way of finally rectifying the Batfleck and the Henry Cavill Superman situation

WHAT IF THIS MEANS WE FINALLY GET A WONDER WOMAN ON THE ARROWVERSE SHOWS??!?

I mean, we probably won’t… but a girl can dream, right?

Also want more of Supergirl and Bat Woman next year..

Goal for 2019: Read Crisis on Infinite Earths so I can understand what will be coming (also another goal: work on decreasing my TBR pile, but we won’t talk about that yet. It’s like Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club: you don’t talk about Fight Club.. we don’t talk about my TBR)…

Some days all I do is watch the sky..

Anniversaries.

They have a funny way of creeping up on you. Usually the end of the year is nostalgic in a bitter sweet way. Reflecting on previous months, wondering what MORE you could have done. For me? This season creeps up on me in a strange way.

9 years ago, post-Thanksgiving, I have the distinct memory of sitting in my Uncle’s Chevy Trail Blazer, having the discussion about how I MIGHT have thyroid cancer. Fast forward 6 years, and I was undergoing preparations to begin radiation treatment for salivary gland cancer. So, I guess, I’m approaching the 3 year cancerversary. I distinctly remember sitting in the waiting room of the basement of 200 Medical Plaza at UCLA Westwood, having probably the beginning stages of a panic attack. I was the youngest patient in that room. I didn’t belong there, but somehow, it did. I still remember texting my sister, freaking out, and nervously knitting, and making a joke about how I was working on my superhero status.

Truth is I’ve had my good days and bad days in those last 3 years. I’m nervous about the future, but if my past has taught me anything, I know I’ll make it through. I think resilience has because a good trait for me. I just wish I had the guts (or felt more confident?) to show that when I try to let people in. But then again, I can’t control how people react to my past, just hope that they don’t see it as a negative, but a positive.

I don’t really make resolutions, mostly because they fall by the wayside. I did make one goal for 2018, and I reached it, so that’s a plus. I don’t really know if I’ll make any real resolutions for 2019 either..maybe a goal or two…

I thought I would be updating this blog more regularly than I have been. But I guess graduate school took up more time than I realized, or I didn’t want to stare continually at a computer screen (or both?). Going forward, I hope to blog a little more than once every 6 months. Do a few more book reviews (maybe trade off each month between a comic and a book-book).

You can also be sure that I’ll be blogging a little bit more about my soon to be favorite movie in the MCU…perhaps do a comic book re-read of all Captain Marvel comics to date?

 

Until then… to quote Andrew McMahon (who one day, I’ll see in concert again)… somedays all I do is watch the sky. 

 

there’s something waiting for you…

I’m starting to slow down a bit in regards to certain aspects of my life… I’m going to try and post something regularly. I don’t know what regularly means right now…but I’m coming up with a ton of ideas for myself (and maybe other people too)

I do know every time I make a change for the better, this has come in to my head…

 

“there’s something waiting for you in the great unknown..” 

I’ve had too many health problems dictate my career and dreams… It’s time to slow down a little and start focusing more on what I want long term and work things that will benefit me more holistically.

Beware the Ides of March…

I had someone at my internship tell me to be careful today, to beware of the Ides of March. I had to laugh…..

In theory it’s a really bad day, and in some ways, it’s a bad memory, but it’s also day that probably saved my life (the first time).

As of today, I’ve been living without a thyroid gland for 8 years. And it’s been a hellish (but good) and interesting 8 years.

I don’t regret the path that I have taken. Life has thrown me some pretty wicked curve balls, but it has lead me to a fairly good place, even if I do groan about the little things. Some days I do wish I was still in music, but there are days that I help people out at the library finding what they came in for, and seeing how excited they got about a book.. it’s a good feeling.

Canversaries are weird. Having one is weird. Having to explain that you have two? Well, I don’t even know where to begin some days, but that’s my life. For those have seen me through the past 8 years, I carry your spirits with me every day. You guys are the reason why I’m still here.

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” – C.S. Lewis.

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.” – Albus Dumbledore

 

thoughts while listening to Jimmy Eat World

So last week I had what is considered my 2 year check-in with my oncologist. He joked with me at the time that he has never seen a patient with such strong shoulders, and wondered what did I do? I joked about yoga and lifting heavy boxes at work… I commented about this over on the Facebook  (a friend said I needed a nickname because of the shoulders) and joked about my “unfortunate health history” and “being cursed.” I don’t know if those are the right terms to use but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

How do you explain having beat cancer twice. Not the same cancer but two different cancers (granted, both were in the same region, but still).. It’s like “woah, you’ve been through some shit” when I tell people, which I realize I don’t try to bring it up, just because it gets awkward. I should also give people more credit for handling awkward.

And because I’ve been through this twice now, what cancerversary do I celebrate? My ENT joked that it’s really up to me. Treatment for one ended in February, while the surgery for another was in mid-March. Maybe I should just have a two-month long celebration.

I’ve been getting some good reading in. As well as sewing in on my break. Still nowhere close to feeling comfortable with the idea of making a full costume for a convention (going to Wonder Con again.. WEEE! More thoughts on that to come later..maybe I should use that as my cancerversary celebration this year?), but I’m slowly working on clothes construction, so yay me? One day I’ll conquer making a Rey costume or even Mockingbird.. I’m also really trying hard to make a dent in my TBR pile, however, Harry Potter is slowly calling my name, so I don’t know how that’ll go. But a book review will happen soon I think. Of something…

honestly I wanna see you be brave.

I accidentally came out of the cancer closet this week. On the 2 year anniversary of getting my “cancer tattoos.” I don’t know if there’s any irony in it. But it happened.

I was in a staff meeting at my internship site and the discussion of John Green came up. I knew that some of the others in the room had issues with his writing style. I get it. I respect their opinions. However, I felt how he handled the topic of cancer in TFIOS, I have a deep respect for him, which is why he is one of my favorite writers, and I explained that and how he handled the topic of mental illness in Turtles All the Way Down was also respectful I felt.

2017 is coming to a close. Will post a book blog before the end of the year. Time to write one more paper and I will be done with my 2nd year of graduate school (AHH!). It’s crazy to think how fast and how much I’ve gotten done in the last 2 years.